Oh baby!

What to talk about? I have a baby so of course that's the only thing I'm capable of talking about; Austin consumes my thoughts (that was funny when he climbed on Brutus today),

actions (remember to put the cord up so he can't pull the hair dryer down),

prayers (Father in Heaven please help me to not let Austin get killed, that he will be able to grow up and live a happy healthy life despite my stupidity)- obviously prayers are answered because he's made it 10 months- miracles happen every day!

A little background on me; I've never really liked kids, I never wanted to have any, I never had the desire to have them, the only reason why we decided to have kids was because we felt like it was time (if I feel like I need to do something, I do it, I've learned the hard way that it's easier to go forward and trust God to begin with- He knows best!). And I'm just going to add an additional amen (yes I'm agreeing with myself) to my last comment. What I have learned from becoming a mom is this: God knows what's best for me and my life. Until I had this epiphany I just had to trust (which I didn't do very well this time, and never do as well as I should- because this isn't the first time I've thought I've learned this principal (since Bryan never reads my blog I can say this: it's like when we got married I loved him but it was like superficial chick flick love- now it's completely indescribable how much love  I have for him- the word "love" doesn't do it justice [so mushy right] --> my understanding just gets deeper and deeper each time I "learn" this lesson)). I love (and hate - when I'm going through it) how each person has to come to that conclusion on their own. Whether it's through having kids, not being able to have kids, getting married, not getting married, working, not finding work - the conclusion is the same: God knows what's best for us and our lives! I guess the moral of the story is that I love Jesus... And Austin... And Bryan... And life is good ;)

Self Construction

I've been thinking I haven't posted in a long time (so why not at 5am) and well the reason is I haven't had too many rants and really my only rave is my awesome husband and adorable baby. Seriously nothing else seems to matter that much to me right now. So cheesy right?! So this got me thinking why am I not more annoyed by getting up in the middle of the night or my husband talking to me in "herros"? Well duh because I love them. Why am I annoyed by other people all the time? Well duh because I don't love them. I was listening to the always wise Carol Tuttle and she said (in talking about kids) not to tie your emotions to other people's actions (saying things like you're driving me crazy etc). I have more control in other aspects of my life why not in my emotions too? Just because I don't like someone or something I don't have to give up my power or self control to them. I had never thought of emotions in that regard until I met my little Austin, and saw how un-annoyed Bryan was with my lack of mobility (honestly I was really annoyed by it). I realized that I chose to think everyone else is annoying - even if they are - I don't need to tie my emotions to them. Granted though I do know my child is the best/cutest/sweetest/etc (definitely not biased at all) he is mine forever so I need to make sure ours is a good relationship. I don't have to make every other relationship awesome because mainly I don't care, and secondly ain't nobody got time for that, but I don't need to tie my emotions to what they are doing. I choose to be happy or angry (because those are basically the only emotions I feel), nobody else can have a say unless I let them. Anyway so instead of the self destructive ways I have been living (letting other's actions control my emotions) I'm working on self constructive ways (see that little play on words- I'm so smart) to have more control in every aspect of my life. So in the future being angry can just be a hobby instead of who I am (because let's face it I do anger well).